Rating: 3 of 5 psycho killers
This’ll be quick. It’s a B movie about a sentient car tire that goes on a killing spree. That’s it. The entire plot. All in all, kinda fun.

Rating: 5 of 5 projectile vomits
Can’t really spoil the plot. There’s a kid, they’re possessed, Russell Crowe is called in to make things better. Hillarity ensues. But, in this case, it’s really well done. It’s scary, creepy, a little bit mysterious, and pacing moves along quite well. Crowe pulls off an excellent performance as an Italian priest, the supporting cast supports, although they don’t get a lot of character definition. One of the best demonic possession films to show up in years.

Rating: 4 of 5 severed limbs
I expected a ridiculous film. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s bloody, gory, funny, and slightly dramatic. If for no other reason, you should see it because it’s Ray Liotta’s last film. Plot is about as simple as you get. There’s cocaine, a bear finds it, the bear gets a little frisky. I laughed, I cringed, I felt empathy for the bear. I could get all judgy and complain about how if this is entertainment, our society has failed, but basically, this is just a spin on Cujo, which many people consider a classic.

Rating: 3 of 5 cabins
Being an M. Night film, don’t want to say much, easy to spoil something you may not have seen coming. But I liked it. It was moody and creepy and had memorable visuals. Given the wild variability of the quality of his films, on the Shyamalan scale, it gets a 4 of 5. But on the regular scale, just a 3.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 non-Asimov robots
A rare combo of creepy, funny, and scary. All done pretty well. A few surprises, well done effects, and good acting all around. Came in not expecting a lot, since most all recent horror attempts weren’t great. This was refreshingly entertaining.

Rating: 2 of 5 Necronomicons
A big fan of the first 3, featuring Bruce Campbell, I don’t expect much from the continued sequels, even though Bruce and Sam Rami are involved as producers. Just to say, my bar is pretty low for these remakes. This started out pretty well, good visuals, a cursory nod to the original general plot. But, about halfway through, it just fizzled. More of the same, repeated, didn’t keep up with the scary bits.

Rating: 4 of 5 jump scares
Hope you like jump scares, ‘cause this is the definition of a jump scare flick. Also has a pretty good plot, and at least they had a reason for the film being dark (see the title for a hint).

Rating: 3 of 5 zomcoms
A zombie rom com. A pretty average comedy, riding almost entirely on Aubry Plaza’s talent for playing manic characters. Some really funny moments early on, it gets a bit tragic in the third act.

Rating: 2 of 5 Tube men
Avoided any information about this, so I wouldn’t have any secrets spoiled. Won’t give away any here. Thought it was just OK. It had some striking visuals, but motivations, or any real character development, was iffy. Story is either increadibly simplistic, or incredibly confusing, and I’m still not sure which. It had an ending, but if I understood what was going on, it was almost a “oops, we’re out of time/money, gotta wrap it up.

Rating: 5 of 5 jump scares
Excellent horror/thriller. Starts in a rainstorm, with an overbooked short-term rental. Slowly unravels some details, but only enough to keep you wondering what’s going on. Then, it gets creepy. Um, really creepy. As more is revealed, you realize it’s not a cookie cutter thriller. And, it was suprising (and creepy) all the way to the end.

Rating: 3 of 5 Corpses
Lots of action, doesn’t let up much. Not a very intricate plot, but Elba is a solid lead, and Serkis is a bad bad guy. Some very disturbing visuals, and a lot of corpses.

Rating: 4 of 5 Haunted Houses
As Stefan from SNL says “This movie has everything!”. It’s got a haunted house, a family working out family issues, drama, comedy, action. There are car chases, human chases, police, a secret government agency, a murder myster, Tig Notaro, and a ghost. All in all, an enjoyable flick good enough to overlook its flaws.

Rating: 4 of 5 Quarks
A pretty fun post-apocalyptic romp with comedians. Fun cameos, it has Barry Bostwick, Armin Shimerman, plus the evil Mayor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. A pretty well written and acted comedy, no real spoilers, a couple goes through an apocalypse of unknown origin. Hilarity ensues. Obviously a shoestring budget, you don’t expect to see actors you recognize in movies this low budget. Given the length of the “special thanks” list, they might have financed with individual donations.