May 8, 2022

Willy's Wonderland

Rating: 5 of 5 Willies
Everything is classic cult B movie. It has a modern day car, so it’s present day, but it also has a full 70’s vibe including soft/grainy film, dial phones (with mismatched handsets), IBM Selectric typewriters, tape-based answering machines. This would just be a normal schlock-fest, except it stars none other than our generations best action movie hero, Nicolas Cage. And the iconic Mr. Cage didn’t have to learn any lines, as he never speaks.

May 6, 2022

Diani & Devine Meet The Apocalypse

Rating: 4 of 5 Quarks
A pretty fun post-apocalyptic romp with comedians. Fun cameos, it has Barry Bostwick, Armin Shimerman, plus the evil Mayor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. A pretty well written and acted comedy, no real spoilers, a couple goes through an apocalypse of unknown origin. Hilarity ensues. Obviously a shoestring budget, you don’t expect to see actors you recognize in movies this low budget. Given the length of the “special thanks” list, they might have financed with individual donations.

May 3, 2022

Infinite

Rating: 3 out of 5 Wahlburgers
Could easily have been called “Chase”. There are many chase scenes. More than a modern Bond film. It revolves around immortal beings who can die, but are reborn through sort of reincarnation? They’re not really clear on the science there. One guy seems to be the Jack Torrence of the group, same body the whole time. They don’t explain it. The immortals remember and retain all their lifetimes of skills as they grow up.

April 25, 2022

Blood Red Sky

Rating: 4 of 5 Vampires on a Plane
A German film, but interestingly almost 1/2 the cast speaks English. A pretty simple plot, there’s a plane, there are some kind of terrorists who take over the plane, and then there’s a Vampire. That’s it, that’s the plot. A really good and mostly different twist on a vampire adventure. The 1/2 half is setup, second half has a lot of action. It’s both creepy and scary. Wasn’t sure going in, since it seemed to start slow, but really worked as a whole.

April 16, 2022

The Night House

Rating: 3 of 5 Brandys
At its heart, a cookie cutter psychological haunted house tale. A woman is living alone in a house her recently dead husband built. As she deals with his death, and starting to pack his things away, she starts discovering mysterious things. Oh, and she hears some voices, and sees some visions. But, could it just be her heavy drinking? Grief? Insanity? Yeah, all elements we’ve seen a lot in other films like this.

April 16, 2022

All the Old Knives

Rating: Incomplete
Are you totally amped up from work/drugs/anxiety? Do you need a nap? Give this flick a try. As the preview suggested, a bit like “My Dinner with Andre´“. Except rather than fascinating stories told by a charismatic storyteller, it’s two attractive ex-lovers and ex-CIA, one of whom might have been a mole that helped bad things to happen. So you get some very quiet chat, a flashback of more quiet and boring things, more almost inaudible chat, then back to introductions of characters you can’t possibly remember (unless you’re taking notes).

April 10, 2022

Color Out Of Space

Rating: 3-1/2 of 5 colors
It’s an adaptation of a H. P. Lovecraft story about a prismatic meteor that falls to earth, effecting every living thing around it in bizarre and horrific ways. Nicholas Cage movies are always a gamble. He has been in some really terrible movies, and he doesn’t seem to pick really good movies. Expectations were low, but this was a wonderfully stylish, visually captivating, horrific film. The use of color as a character was brilliantly portrayed, the story moved at a great pace, and the whole feeling was ominous.

April 8, 2022

Agnes

Rating: 1 of 5 bad habits
Quite disappointing. Watched it because we were fans of Molly C. Quinn from Castle. Even the posters are misleading, although sometimes it’s fine to be surprised at the actual movie, this time, not so much. I’ll keep this spoiler-free. A creepy convent, quirky nuns, priests investigating a possession (because only men in the church can do this, as we well know), and the senior priest has a quasi-mysterious past. The church “executive staff” are mean spirited, with a sense of evil about them.

April 2, 2022

The Bubble

Rating: 2 of 5 nose swabs
The movie with the cute pre-launch campaign, and the delightful Karen Gillan. Nothing deep here, just a fun romp about a very bad movie being made during the pandemic. Lots of cameos (mostly uncredited) of some big or moderately big names, and it’s better than Cliff Beasts 6 would have turned out. I laughed, especially early on, but it just didn’t gel into a overall fun film. And like an SNL skit, went on a bit longer than it should.

March 27, 2022

The Deep House

Rating: 4 of 5 submersed haunted mansions
Two “Youtubers” (so you already want evil to befall them) visit abandoned buildings hoping to get enough views to make money. After some cursory setup, they’re taken to a lake with an intact house at its bottom.Scary shit ensues. Cool concept, going through the house underwater, so floating things can float (how is that metal candelabra floating???). Nothing is moldy or decayed, why? Scary shit, that’s why.Did I mention it’s scary?