Rating: 3 of 5 stars
A Hong Kong film about, yes, a future dystopia. Something about alien plants that are very nasty, and grow very, very large. Vehicle/robot/aliens are really well designed and crafted (or generated). Tons of action, even more than in a typical Mission Impossible, I’m betting. Only downside are annoying stereotypical characters and situations.

Rating: 5 of 5 stars
Insert Lead paragraph here.

Rating: 2 of 5 stranger things
A very pretty film, but slow moving and very predictible. I expected better writing, given the cast. But, strong women characters are a refreshing take on the whole knights and dragons genre.

Rating: 4 of 5 stars
A very different film, totally unexpected. Amazing performances, which go so far as to change how you view the actors, given how fully they committed to their roles. Mostly a “coming of age” story, but from a interesting perspective.

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
Interesting take on a dystopian future. The population is basically drugged into a calm stupor, so there’s no conflict or war or feelings. One person is chosen as the holder of all past knowledge. We get to be there as the next Giver gets his training, and finds out what’s actually going on, and decides to shake it all up. I liked that it definitely had different ideas than a lot of other takes on the same overall premise.

Rating: 0 of 5 glowing seahorses
I’d read this reviews that this sucked, but we all like Mamoa, and watched the others, and gave it a go with very low expectations. Well… it sucked. It sucked with a suckiness that can only happen when a studio with deep pockets wants to spend zero on creative effort, tons on blue screen effects, and just make bank. Acting was atrocious by every single actor. The writing was worse than some LLM generated nonsense (maybe that was intentional?

Rating: 0 of 5 dick jokes
We’ll keep it short. Absolutely terrible adolecent trash. 90 minutes of dick and sex jokes, using so much gratuitous profanity that anyone young enough to be entertained, shouldn’t see it.

Rating: 4 of 5 very large bugs
An action film, with a bit of humor tossed in, and a little bit of drama. Basically a post-apocalyptic tale where Earth’s non-mammal wildlife has mutated, and clans have formed to survive a very hostile environment. But one young man with a lack of skills decides to make a journey for love. Expected a throwaway time waster, but actually rather enjoyed it. The special effects were way better than expected, and the writing was OK.

Rating: 4 of 5 body parts
A thriller that’s also chilling, and a bit gruesome. Good pacing, great emotional performance by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and the other performances were also spot on. A few twists and turns, nothing too hard to follow. Recommended if you like crime thrillers.

Rating: 1 of 5 weird cults
This can be quick. If you’ve ever seen ANY movie about a group randomly visiting a seemingly happy group of other people as “outsiders”, especially if they’re celebrating some mysterious festival, who turn out to have a dark side, you’ve seen this movie. And probably done better. In fact, you’ll know the entire plot within 30 seconds of the outsiders meeting the seemingly lovely gathering. It’s classified as “horror”, but it’s not.

Rating: 4 of 5 fake passports
A fun action spy thriller, in the vein of Mr and Mrs Smith. Although the basic plot has been done several times, both Kaley Cuoco and David Oyelowo give excellent believable performances. Slightly dramatic, slightly humorous, action isn’t relentless or over the top.

Rating: 4 of 5 Batons
An interesting look into the life and career of Leonard Bernstein. New very little of him, he was obviously brilliant and did not fit into the mold of expected social norms. Although his choral music isn’t my jam, I appreciated his passion and energy. Also, Bradley Cooper did a fantastic job portraying him, I’d often forget who he was. Worth a watch, if you enjoy learning about interesting and unusual people.

Rating: 5 of 5 Box Jellies
Going in, I only knew what I vaguely remembered of her when I was younger, and her being on the Wide Wide World of Sports. Glad I didn’t know anything about the movie going in, or I’d have expected it to be a boring biopic. Nope, it was fascinating, exciting, frustrating, sad and funny. Also, the casting was amazing, showing the actual people, and the actors who played them, they almost all looked remarkably alike.

Rating: 4 of 5 Earring Magic Kens
Overall, a really good movie. Socially relevant, yet funny and poignant. Lots of really good background detail, great dialog. Some scenes went on way too long (hello musical Ken number), some were out of place, but as a whole, it worked on several levels. Loved the Matrix references, which work whether or not you notice them. And some of the details, like having every Barbie doll represented, including all the discontinued versions, was fun, as was having the actual inventor of the character get a cameo with lines!

Rating: 3 of 5 science projects
The one word review, weird. Even for Wes Anderson. The overall film reminded me of Eraserhead, or other early David Lynch experimental films. There’s kindof a loose plot, which you are told is a play, and the film switches between the narrator/writer/“real” life in black and white, and the story/play in 50’s color. So the overall narrative won’t be for everyone, or even many. But, it has a laundry list of really good actors, most playing bit parts, and all performing well.

Rating: 5 of 5 degrees of Kevin Bacon
An intense flick where what’s going on is slowly revealed as things progress, so no plot hints. Basically a couple take their two kids for a vacation that is just outside NYC, but in the woods, so quiet and isolated. Stuff starts going wrong, and although the reveals aren’t a total surprise, the series of things happening continue to surprise, and keep you on the edge of your BarcaLounger. In a rare surprise, I really liked how they handled the end, as they reveal the last bits of the puzzle.

Rating: 4 of 5 talking animals
Well this was unexpected. Ryan Reynolds not playing Ryan Reynolds (mostly). Expected a comedy, given Anna Kendrick also starring in the film, but nope. At best, a black comedy, but deep into the black, light on the comedy. Not quite a horror film, but Jerry (Reynolds) has issues, hearing voices from his pets and others. It’s captivating, you want to see how it all plays out. The ending, pretty good, actually.

Rating: 5 of 5 Sea Shanty's
Mostly a true story, a group of fisherman and rescue workers who sang Sea Shanty’s for fun, then got a record deal. Filmed where it happened in a small village in Ireland, with music from the actors and band members, with cameos of all the group. Mostly happy, a bunch of funny, and tiny bit of drama/sad, but overall a feel-good film, made better because it’s mostly true! Absolutely loved it.

Rating: 3 of 5 doors
Pretty good chapter in the never ending Insidious franchise. This one mostly focusses on the son, so that’s a refreshing change. It’s got your usual collections of scary stuff, just out of focus background terrors, and plenty of jump scares. All in all, a fine, if unnecessary, addition.

Rating: 2 of 5 plucked eyeballs
Pros: Better than Terrifier 1. A really scary clown. Cons: Stereotypically idiotic “victims”. Seriously, if these people hadn’t acted so stupidly, it could have gotten 4 eyeballs.

Rating: 3 of 5 jump scares
Weird thing, I was enjoying the movie as an atmosphereic horror film, with interesting photography and camera angles, well done sets, and the occasional jump scare. Plot wasn’t really complex, evil from the first film is back and spreading. About half-way through, I realized the young girl was not a younger version of the main character, and it was then I realized, I had no idea what was going on, since the scenes with the young character was NOT in fact flashbacks.

Rating: 5 of 5 stars
A funny 60’s ensemble comedy. Was shot in and around the town of Mendocino, CA.

Rating: 4 of 5 Smoke filled station wagons
Wasn’t expecting a lot, but this time travel horror/comedy has great writing, well acted, lots of 80’s memorabilia, and was also scary and bloody. It also gets a big shout out for the quick Monty Python and the Holy Grail visual gag.

Rating: 5 of 5 undead
A train. Fast and furious undead. Superb practical special effects. Scary and intense and bloody. If you like zombie flicks, it’s a must watch.

Rating: 3 of 5 Sharknados
Good guys, bad guys, sharks and other scary creatures. That’s pretty much it. A much less violent and bloody sequel, with a lot more goofyness. Felt like a Sharknado movie with better production values at times. But, you get to follow Jason Statham actioning with all the action he can muster. Continuity errors everywhere, but it is a story about monster sharks, so I guess a tight plot isn’t high on the list.

Rating: 5 of 5 floating yogis
A short story written by Roald Dahl in 1976. Wonderfully performed by Benedict Cumberbatch, Ralph Fiennes, and Dev Patel, along with some others. Directed by Wes Anderson, and has both his and Dahl’s wonderful visionary magic all over it. The sets are also wonderful, feels like a play with the moving scenery. Rapidly spoken, it’s a short but very intense 40 minute experience.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 greys
Geesh, saying just about anything would be a spoiler that I’m glad I didn’t have. Knew nothing about this going in, other than Steven King saying it was really good, and the poster looking like some light beam was levitating someone up. Spoiler free review, it’s scary, and reveals the story slowly, but with plenty of good frights in between. Once you get the various bits of the story, you understand pretty much everything that’s gone on.

Rating: 4 of 5 capers
A nearly perfect Jason Statham vehicle. Action, more action, a little acting, and more action. And for the acting we have Aubrey Plaza, being a snarky, caustic delight, dread pirate Wesley, and Hugh Grant, plus some other folks, but they didn’t capture my interest. A few twists and turns, but it’s an action flick, and it doesn’t disappoint.

Rating: 3 of 5 psycho killers
This’ll be quick. It’s a B movie about a sentient car tire that goes on a killing spree. That’s it. The entire plot. All in all, kinda fun.

Rating: 2 of 5 Batmans
First off, for a movie about the fastest super hero, this movie is hella slow. Seriously. Could have been half the length if they just cut the repetitive and useless scenes. Like maybe an hour? I didn’t really see this from any prior review, but this is DC’s remake of Marvel’s Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. Toss in a little “Yesterday” changing of the past, and viola, another bad DC movie.

Rating: 4 of 5 pizzas
Not a movie to watch if you’re looking for a light comedy. Well written and very well acted drama about a man who had become morbidly obese, reflecting on his life. it’s poignant and moving and often hard to watch, but it’s also interesting and looks at complex interactions between complex people. It got a lot of criticism and bad press, I think because of the “fat suit”, but I’m just writing that off to some group having a vocal issues with just about anything now, and somehow getting press about it.

Rating: 4 of 5 vinters
Watched on a whim when I couldn’t sleep, didn’t expect much, but I like Toni Collette, so gave it a shot. Enjoyed it a lot. It was fun, violent, and overall quite entertaining. Plot was unsurprising, but the writing and characters were all interesting. Worth a watch. Maybe only at 2am when you can’t sleep, but whatever works.

Rating: 5 of 5 projectile vomits
Can’t really spoil the plot. There’s a kid, they’re possessed, Russell Crowe is called in to make things better. Hillarity ensues. But, in this case, it’s really well done. It’s scary, creepy, a little bit mysterious, and pacing moves along quite well. Crowe pulls off an excellent performance as an Italian priest, the supporting cast supports, although they don’t get a lot of character definition. One of the best demonic possession films to show up in years.

Rating: 4 of 5 severed limbs
I expected a ridiculous film. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s bloody, gory, funny, and slightly dramatic. If for no other reason, you should see it because it’s Ray Liotta’s last film. Plot is about as simple as you get. There’s cocaine, a bear finds it, the bear gets a little frisky. I laughed, I cringed, I felt empathy for the bear. I could get all judgy and complain about how if this is entertainment, our society has failed, but basically, this is just a spin on Cujo, which many people consider a classic.

Rating: 4 of 5 years
Take “In Time” (with Justin Timberlake), make it grungier, and the lifetime/cash exchange run by a sinister corp, and you’ve basically got the plot. It’s pretty good, German with pretty good dubbing. Lots of action, a simple but solid plot, and a little gratuitous nudity. Also refreshingly no obvious special effects (except for some horrible added “smoke”, seriously, if it looks that fake, don’t use it). Mostly practical explosions and stuff, which was kindof nice and old school.

Rating: 3 of 5 cabins
Being an M. Night film, don’t want to say much, easy to spoil something you may not have seen coming. But I liked it. It was moody and creepy and had memorable visuals. Given the wild variability of the quality of his films, on the Shyamalan scale, it gets a 4 of 5. But on the regular scale, just a 3.

Rating: 5 of 5 neighbors
Tom Hanks plays a grumpy man who was just forced into retirement, and had recently lost his wife. Not a very uplifting setup, but the movie is realistic, poignant, funny, sad, and heartwarming. Hanks is again perfect in his role, and the supporting cast are all excellent. Highly recommended.

Rating: 3 of 5 CGI dinos
Visually great, although wonderfully generated dinosaurs has been played out by now. Very superficial and common plot. Crash landed on a planet, protagonist struggles against impossible odds to figure out how to escape. That’s the big plot, so mostly, it’s dealing with dinos. But the endless Jurassic Park films already numbed us to that plot-line. So, it’s a chance to watch Adam Driver run around and try out new facial expressions.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 non-Asimov robots
A rare combo of creepy, funny, and scary. All done pretty well. A few surprises, well done effects, and good acting all around. Came in not expecting a lot, since most all recent horror attempts weren’t great. This was refreshingly entertaining.

Rating: 2 of 5 Necronomicons
A big fan of the first 3, featuring Bruce Campbell, I don’t expect much from the continued sequels, even though Bruce and Sam Rami are involved as producers. Just to say, my bar is pretty low for these remakes. This started out pretty well, good visuals, a cursory nod to the original general plot. But, about halfway through, it just fizzled. More of the same, repeated, didn’t keep up with the scary bits.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 sledgehammers
This looked pretty cheesey when I first saw the poster, before the holidays. Finally showed up for free streaming, so we gave it a shot. It was hillarious. And violent. But, that’s in the title, so can’t really complain about the violence! Simple plot, Santa is visiting a house where the family is being held by armed and violent thieves. And, it has actors you’ll recognize: David Harbour, John Leguizamo, and Beverly D’Angelo lead the cast.

Rating: 2 of 5 puffers
Aliens take over earth, some people don’t like it, and I guess they fight back? Hard to tell, really. I found it confusing, with little to no character development, at it was unclear what was so different about alien rule, or just a global dictatorship. All in all, I’d pass on it, there are a lot of perfectly good aliens take over and are challenged by spunky human flicks out there.

Rating: 2 of 5 straightjackets
Visualy unusual, starts off creepy and disturbing. Stays disturbing, but not all that creepy. The close-in photography wears a bit thin, and the music is definately a character in itself. The plot is pretty light. It’s more of a slice of life, following people through a couple weird days, but for people on the fringe. Not really horror or sci-fi, more offbeat drama-thriller.

Rating: 4 of 5 sequels
I haven’t seen all the Scream movies, so this isn’t a totally fair review. But, it’s a slasher horror flick, so we’ll just go with that. A lot scarier than I expected, and actualy pretty good. The “prey” don’t run around doing stupid things, the bad guy is really bad. There appears to be a deeper story following on from the prior flicks, but it wasn’t necessary to get the overall gist.

Rating: 4 of 5 jump scares
Hope you like jump scares, ‘cause this is the definition of a jump scare flick. Also has a pretty good plot, and at least they had a reason for the film being dark (see the title for a hint).

Rating: 3 of 5 zomcoms
A zombie rom com. A pretty average comedy, riding almost entirely on Aubry Plaza’s talent for playing manic characters. Some really funny moments early on, it gets a bit tragic in the third act.

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
Let’s start with the obvious. The big car chase is a 5 out of 5. For fans of classic 60’s cars, and nostalgic views of San Francisco, this movie has them in abundance. However, as a thriller, it’s not very thrilling. In fact, it’s very dark (were hospitals actually this badly lit after the invention of electric lighting?) and fairly slow and plodding about 75% of the time, with remarkably little dialog throughout.

Rating: 2 of 5 deadly spoons
Not sure what the movie wanted to be. Stoner comedy? Violent thriller? Social commentary? It doesn’t really work at any of those levels. Top it off with weird casting Bill Pullman? Totally wasted (ha, stoner comedy) in what ends up being a cameo. Very violent, sometimes attempting the absurdly comic, sometimes just violent. Silly, serious, sad, and probably trying for funny, but if so, they fell flat. And there’s some throwaway stuff about a graphic novel or comic Eisenberg’s character was obsessed with, but feels like it was an early plot point that got lost in the confusion.

Rating: 4 of 5 warriors
Well acted and beautifully filmed, including massive action sequences. with Viola Davis doing an incredible job as the primary protagonist. Very loosely based on historical events, it’s a facinating story of the woman army of an African King. And the dramatic license is used to explore interpersonal relationships, good vs evil, politics, slavery. All in all, a really well done film.

Rating: 4 of 5 overnight parking spots
A pseuo-documentary about present day Nomads, people who travel around, generally living in RV’s, or small outfitted Van RV’s, some doing seasonal work across the country as it comes up. Some by necessity, some by choice. Aside from a few actors, primarily Frances McDormand in the lead role, the cast are actual Nomads. Surprisingly little dramatic license, without traditional acts. I spent much of the film waiting for the big tragedy or dramatic event to happen, but it never arrived.

Rating: 2 of 5 lead actors
Starring a bunch of actors I like, looked like a decent black comedy, but ensemble productions are such a crapshoot. More often than not, the script doesn’t do the actors justice. Unfortunately, this follows that pattern. I liked the overall plot, and some of the performances, but not enough to keep things interesting. The story didn’t have enough material and depth to fill the screen-time. All in all, it was OK, but I wouldn’t go out of your way to watch it.

Rating: 2 of 5 Tube men
Avoided any information about this, so I wouldn’t have any secrets spoiled. Won’t give away any here. Thought it was just OK. It had some striking visuals, but motivations, or any real character development, was iffy. Story is either increadibly simplistic, or incredibly confusing, and I’m still not sure which. It had an ending, but if I understood what was going on, it was almost a “oops, we’re out of time/money, gotta wrap it up.

Rating: 5 of 5 jump scares
Excellent horror/thriller. Starts in a rainstorm, with an overbooked short-term rental. Slowly unravels some details, but only enough to keep you wondering what’s going on. Then, it gets creepy. Um, really creepy. As more is revealed, you realize it’s not a cookie cutter thriller. And, it was suprising (and creepy) all the way to the end.

Rating: 3 of 5 Corpses
Lots of action, doesn’t let up much. Not a very intricate plot, but Elba is a solid lead, and Serkis is a bad bad guy. Some very disturbing visuals, and a lot of corpses.

Rating: 4 of 5 Haunted Houses
As Stefan from SNL says “This movie has everything!”. It’s got a haunted house, a family working out family issues, drama, comedy, action. There are car chases, human chases, police, a secret government agency, a murder myster, Tig Notaro, and a ghost. All in all, an enjoyable flick good enough to overlook its flaws.

Rating: 1 of 5 shaking cameras
A lot of good material here, nearly all wasted by gaping plot holes, character inconsistencies, and silly tech mumbo jumbo. The annoying shaking camera work (I thought we finally got over using that as a thing) gets even shakier during action scenes, which are already cut in rapid angle change, making them virtually unwatchable. I imagine on the big screen, they’d cause motion sickness. But, during the unbearably long breaks between action scenes, where the plot literally stops dead, you’ll start begging for camera jiggle.

Rating: 5 of 5 shells
Cute, hilarious, and emotional. It’s about an adorable if odd-looking 1" tall creature in a shell. That’s it. An documentary of his life. A tenant comes in the Air B&B, starts recording him, and puts the videos online. The dialogue is first rate, the special effects are not ILM, but work really well with the storytelling.

Rating: 4 of 5 golden bones
A dark, very creepy story about a mysterious consultant that shows up to take charge after its CEO is killed. Excellent acting (as expected) from Christoph Waltz as the lead. The series slowly exposes more information, while simultaneously creating more mystery. My only complaint is the tertiary characters have little depth to them, and could be played by cardboard cutouts. Only complaint is, the ending still left so many questions unanswered.

Rating: 5 of 5 stars
A wonderful blend of happy, sad, poignient, realistic, funny and tragic. At its core, a journey with a man dealing with the death of his wife. Soon it pulls in the lives of his co-workers, and people he meets. It is excellent at showing each person as an entire character with their assets and flaws, and how each deals with their own personal issues. It’s also a rare complete story, where the last episodes wrap up all the storylines, but not necessarily in a clean or final way, life will go on after the storylines, and the characters will be living through it.

Rating: 5 of 5 pints
Beautifully photographed and acted. Wonderful storytelling of two old friends on a small island, one who decides he doesn’t want to be friends anymore. It’s sad, funny, tragic. Motivations are difficult to discern, but it’s enjoyable just to be allowed to observe these characters and their lives.

Rating: 3 of 5 high school students pushing 30
First thought this was going to be a really silly young adult mean girls flick. It was actually somewhat engaging, had some plot twists, and except for the last 30 minutes, kinda interesting. Then, in the last act, it got pretty confusing as to what motivated who and who was doing revenge on who. Add to that, both stars, who are suppose to be in a fancy preparatory high school are in their late 20’s, having to remind yourself that these huge adult parties are being run and attended by high school kids?

Rating: 3 of 5 staged selfies
A disturbing movie about a social media stalker who’s definately got a few issues to work through. Looking for a new friend, Ingrid goes west! Things start out OK, but go downhilll fast. The story looses a star for peetering out near the end, and leaving unexplored a few plot points that were started. Perhaps their are scenes on the editing room floor, but still, a little disappointing, given the detail in the rest of the film.

Rating: 2 of 5 Hallmark movies
Nothing much to see here. Take a thin Hallmark Movie plot, make it a bit less interesting, then toss in Reese Witherspoon and Ashton Kutcher for the ‘ol name recognition viewing. It’s not terrible, it’s also not memorable. A fine rainy Valentine’s day viewing while second screening.

Rating: 5 of 5 Boomslangs
Pretty simple plot, it seems. Several nefarious characters are on the bullet train in Japan, each with their own mission. Violent hilarity ensues. It’s violent. Very violent, and usually comically violent. Lots of secrets are revealed during the course of the film, as characters backgrounds are fleshed out. Think “The Usual Suspects” meets “Pulp Fiction”. You’ll cringe, you’ll laugh, you’ll cringe that you’re laughing. Then you’ll quickly cringe again. It was a totally enjoyable ride.

Rating: 3 of 5 bad moons on the rise
A Norwegian Werewolf flick. Not much original, scenes taken right out of an American Werewolf in London, with a lower budget. Silver is still the creature’s kryptonite, but it’s traditional, so I’ll allow it. The acting and characters were all interesting enough to earn it a couple stars. Even got me to jump at one of the jump scares. A fun distraction.

Rating: 4 of 5 stars
B.J. Novak wrote,directed and stars in this interesting crime story, where B.J.’s character, Ben, attends a funeral for a woman he hooked up with, then gets drawn into trying to discover what caused her death. The characters were mostly interesting, although some are pretty minor and just glossed over. I especially liked that the characters that had depth also had a lot more to them than you first see. Not exactly a tourist commercial for rural Texas, which was intentional.

Rating: 5 of 5 cloned credit cards
Not exactly a feel good romp. Well acted, plot has you uncomfortable, and wondering what’s going to happen next. Emily does not make the best life choices, but the way the film shows you how the deck is stacked against her, the choices aren’t irrational.

Rating: 3 of 5 wet actors
Let me start by saying, if you think J-Lo is the greatest actress you know of, and you can’t get enough of her, you might like this better than I did. I think she’s fine, and did fine in the movie, but there was simply too much J-Lo for me. Especially given the stellar supporting cast, which had barely anything to do. The 3rd act made up for the lackluster 2nd act though, and I liked the ending.

Rating: 5 of 5 lightsabers
Han shot first

Rating: 5 of 5 key lime pies
Creepy and scary thriller. You probably won’t see all the surprises coming, so no plot review. Good soundtrack, cinematography and acting all around.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 Mr. Mustards in the conservatory
Didn’t make it through Knives Out, loved the actors, got really bored with the plot and writing. This take was entirely different, and very enjoyable. Nice social commentary worked in with a crime mystery. Liked the characters and acting, lots of subtle humor, great visuals.

Rating: 5 of 5 talking crickets
Visually stunning, well acted, well paced, well told. An absolute joy to watch, from the opening scene to the credits. You know the basic story, del Toro’s follows the book, and is correspondingly darker, but not so dark children won’t enjoy it.

Rating: 2 of 5 Plot changes
Some truly entertaining and inventive scenes, interspersed with a bogglingly incoherent plot, which is more a series of short stories, some of which work and some of which don’t. As a whole film, it was a confusing mess.

Rating: 4 of 5 Moms
Gritty drama, with a generally decent plot.A little cookie cutter, but not totally predictable. Got a little tired of the blue filtered Pacific Northwest visuals, but otherwise I liked it.

Rating: 5 of 5 covens
A silly and fun romp, amazing it was 29 years since the original. Faithful to the first film, and safe viewing for kids.

Rating: 0 of 4 Kevin Harts
Even stupider and more pointless than the trailer makes it look. That is all.

Rating: 2 of 5 falling moons
The moon is falling! No one knows why, but it is. And apparently, with like 3 days notice, we can slap together very old space technology to head up and see what’s going wrong. Or not. Or maybe, or not. We’ll tell you after the commercial break…That’s about it. Aside from the story, since there really isn’t much of one. The special effects were pretty good, giving it its 2 moons.

Rating: 3 of 5 Brad Pitts
A pretty fun ride. Preposterous plot, a twist on Romancing the Stone. Good chemistry with the actors. Not many surprises, but it’s more dark comedy than adventure. Harry Potter is evil. Channing Tatum is dumb. Sandra Bullock carries the rest of the film. Also, Brad Pitt is delightful.

Rating: 5 of 5 Willies
Everything is classic cult B movie. It has a modern day car, so it’s present day, but it also has a full 70’s vibe including soft/grainy film, dial phones (with mismatched handsets), IBM Selectric typewriters, tape-based answering machines. This would just be a normal schlock-fest, except it stars none other than our generations best action movie hero, Nicolas Cage. And the iconic Mr. Cage didn’t have to learn any lines, as he never speaks.

Rating: 4 of 5 Quarks
A pretty fun post-apocalyptic romp with comedians. Fun cameos, it has Barry Bostwick, Armin Shimerman, plus the evil Mayor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. A pretty well written and acted comedy, no real spoilers, a couple goes through an apocalypse of unknown origin. Hilarity ensues. Obviously a shoestring budget, you don’t expect to see actors you recognize in movies this low budget. Given the length of the “special thanks” list, they might have financed with individual donations.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Wahlburgers
Could easily have been called “Chase”. There are many chase scenes. More than a modern Bond film. It revolves around immortal beings who can die, but are reborn through sort of reincarnation? They’re not really clear on the science there. One guy seems to be the Jack Torrence of the group, same body the whole time. They don’t explain it. The immortals remember and retain all their lifetimes of skills as they grow up.

Rating: 4 of 5 Vampires on a Plane
A German film, but interestingly almost 1/2 the cast speaks English. A pretty simple plot, there’s a plane, there are some kind of terrorists who take over the plane, and then there’s a Vampire. That’s it, that’s the plot. A really good and mostly different twist on a vampire adventure. The 1/2 half is setup, second half has a lot of action. It’s both creepy and scary. Wasn’t sure going in, since it seemed to start slow, but really worked as a whole.

Rating: 3 of 5 Brandys
At its heart, a cookie cutter psychological haunted house tale. A woman is living alone in a house her recently dead husband built. As she deals with his death, and starting to pack his things away, she starts discovering mysterious things. Oh, and she hears some voices, and sees some visions. But, could it just be her heavy drinking? Grief? Insanity? Yeah, all elements we’ve seen a lot in other films like this.

Rating: Incomplete
Are you totally amped up from work/drugs/anxiety? Do you need a nap? Give this flick a try. As the preview suggested, a bit like “My Dinner with Andre´“. Except rather than fascinating stories told by a charismatic storyteller, it’s two attractive ex-lovers and ex-CIA, one of whom might have been a mole that helped bad things to happen. So you get some very quiet chat, a flashback of more quiet and boring things, more almost inaudible chat, then back to introductions of characters you can’t possibly remember (unless you’re taking notes).

Rating: 3-1/2 of 5 colors
It’s an adaptation of a H. P. Lovecraft story about a prismatic meteor that falls to earth, effecting every living thing around it in bizarre and horrific ways. Nicholas Cage movies are always a gamble. He has been in some really terrible movies, and he doesn’t seem to pick really good movies. Expectations were low, but this was a wonderfully stylish, visually captivating, horrific film. The use of color as a character was brilliantly portrayed, the story moved at a great pace, and the whole feeling was ominous.

Rating: 1 of 5 bad habits
Quite disappointing. Watched it because we were fans of Molly C. Quinn from Castle. Even the posters are misleading, although sometimes it’s fine to be surprised at the actual movie, this time, not so much. I’ll keep this spoiler-free. A creepy convent, quirky nuns, priests investigating a possession (because only men in the church can do this, as we well know), and the senior priest has a quasi-mysterious past. The church “executive staff” are mean spirited, with a sense of evil about them.

Rating: 2 of 5 nose swabs
The movie with the cute pre-launch campaign, and the delightful Karen Gillan. Nothing deep here, just a fun romp about a very bad movie being made during the pandemic. Lots of cameos (mostly uncredited) of some big or moderately big names, and it’s better than Cliff Beasts 6 would have turned out. I laughed, especially early on, but it just didn’t gel into a overall fun film. And like an SNL skit, went on a bit longer than it should.

Rating: 4 of 5 submersed haunted mansions
Two “Youtubers” (so you already want evil to befall them) visit abandoned buildings hoping to get enough views to make money. After some cursory setup, they’re taken to a lake with an intact house at its bottom.Scary shit ensues. Cool concept, going through the house underwater, so floating things can float (how is that metal candelabra floating???). Nothing is moldy or decayed, why? Scary shit, that’s why.Did I mention it’s scary?

Rating: 4 of 5 CGI Alien bugs
A made for TV movie, staring Bruce Campbell and Renee O’Connor. Exactly what I expected, a total cheesefest, about on par with an episode of Xena. Defeated humans with no will to fight, human collaborators that corral and punish the slave humans, nasty aliens with big guns. A by-the-book plot, really bad special effects, even worse acting. Some seriously horrible wigs and fake beards. Clothes that look mostly like fuzzy polyester rugs.

Rating: 4 of 5 unnecessary remakes It’s West Side Story. Same as the 1961 movie. Maybe a bit more explicitly violent. Slightly updated, but it takes place in the 50’s, so not much to update. Really not sure why it needed remaking. It’s good, just like the 1961 version was.

Rating: 4 of 5 evil tech stereotypes Ryan Reynolds movies all have a common thread. Reynolds is going to be a wise-ass, mostly playing the same character. But, he’s so good at it, usually you don’t mind. OK, this one has time travel, a wise-ass younger version of Adam, a dead parent, an evil corporate exec. All in all, this could have been a huge train-wreck. But, it wasn’t. It was funny and entertaining.

Rating: 5 of 5 boxes of Kleenex
Absolutely wonderful performances by the entire cast, a realistic and poignant storyline, a great soundtrack. I laughed, I cried, I loved the entire film. This is what good storytelling is all about.

Rating: 2 of 5 sword canes Well, it’s a prequel. It’s got some great action, interrupted by like an hour and a half of over-complex plots, layered over a terribly simple plot. Oh, and a bunch of silly action. So much dialog, of which I remember none. The big secret reveal? Meh. Ralph Fiennes is great, as always, but he can’t save this one. I expected so much better.

Rating: 5 of 5 shadowy archways
It’s Macbeth, so no surprises there. Spectacular use of light and shadow and really sparse sets. Looked like a great 50’s film noir. Good performances. Denzel and McDormand play the happy couple with all their amazing talents.

Rating: 4 of 5 experience points Fun premise, an NPC is suddenly able to evolve and act on their own in a video game. A thin plot ensues with a bad guy (gleefully overacted by Taika Waititi). Not for Ryan Reynolds haters, since he mostly just plays the same character over and over. Lots of laughs and entertaining situations, fun special effects. Ending wasn’t the best, but had its moments. Kinda want to watch it again soon, just to look for more cool things in the background.

Rating: 3 of 5 creepy carnies Nightmare Alley was visually stunning, had great actors doing their thing, and an interesting, straightforward plot. Nothing complicated, more style than substance, but enough style for days. Kept me interested, and just marveling at the sets and photography and lighting.

Rating: 3 of 5 dystopias Lazing around on Sunday. Saw “The Starving Games” on Amazon Prime, a lampoon of The Hunger Games. Surprisingly good for a parody. It’s no Zucker Brothers comedy, parts worked, parts sucked, but we both enjoyed it and laughed throughout.

Rating: 1-1/2 of 5 Sean Beans
Pretty slow, plodding, gory film about a group of guys with swords, lead by Sean Bean, heading off to find a village that’s rumored to be free of the pestilence, and to kill the witch who’s obviously keeping it that way. Not really recommended. Even for Sean Bean fans.

Rating: 1 of 5 Matrices Well, that was a movie. Not sure how to rate it, or why it was made (other than the usual making bank). Lots of action, barely comprehensible plot, so, it’s much like the second and third installments, but not as good. All the characters you know and love are there, except they’re now played by younger, prettier actors. Except Neo and Trinity, who the younger actors remember as legends, but think are too old to be of any use.

Rating: 1 of 5 Cumberbatches An unpopular opinion, I know. Many people loved this movie. Every character was unlikeable, I didn’t like them. Or the depressing story. That is all.

Rating: 5 of 5 California rolls
It’s a local (to me) story about a Hispanic single mom in East Oakland who wants to be a sushi chef. Super low-budget, self-financed by the writer/director. Loved the story and characters. Yeah, it’s a predictable story, but as a very frequent sushi bar patron, and Bay Area native, it felt like a warm pair of socks.

Rating: 1 of 5 Depressing flashbacks Well acted, good cinematography. Many people loved this film. I found it endlessly depressing, not a story I needed to see. If we weren’t watching it with friends who really wanted to see it (and they liked it), I wouldn’t have made it to the end.

Rating: 4 out of 5 walk of fame stars
What appears at first glance to be an 80’s exploitation flick is actually a pretty good horror/serial killer film with interesting characters. What sets it apart is actual drama and character development, and some really good acting. Dick Shawn (brilliantly) plays a cross dressing prostitute, Rory Calhoun plays a Hollywood Boulevard hawker posing as Kit Carson, and John Diehl (Cruiser from Stripes) plays the serial killer. Ostensibly about a teenager (Donna Wilkes) who is a high school honor student by day, and a Hollywood Boulevard hooker by night.

Rating: 3 out of 5 Sandworms
Watched “Dune” last night. Have to preface this by saying I couldn’t slog my way through the book when I tried 30+ years ago. Bore-ing. Watched other adaptations, didn’t grok them either. So, I expected great visuals, but a confusing storyline. Well, it didn’t disappoint. But, since I didn’t expect to follow the story, it made a little more sense than expected, although I really need to read a cliff note version of who the factions are, and why their fighting.

Rating: 3 out of 4 mysteriously abandoned hospitals Directed by James Wan (Saw, the Conjuring movies, Aquaman). Loved the set design and photography, some good scares. Plot was thin, broadcast the whole plot pretty early, but the inevitable horror plot twist was fun (surprised me, Syd saw it coming a mile away). And, per my horror movie annoyances, some people turned on the lights when wandering to find the source of the strange noises, some didn’t.

Rating: 2 of 4 isolation tanks Very pretty. Not sure how much was CGI, but it looked great. It’s a “paced” flick, so don’t expect things to speed up or get more exciting. Plot was OK, felt derivative of other “we can read your memories” plots. No surprises, and I found it a bit boring, all in all. Still, worth a watch.

Rating: 4 out of 4 electric shocks I loved the writing and fairly unique plot. Acting with a great balance of campy/serious/humor. A few parts didn’t mesh, but this is an action flick.

Rating: 3 of 5 Frozen song titles Kevin Costner and Diane Lane (who we’ve met in person!). For a while, thought it might be a Rob Zombie movie. Excellent acting from everyone, disturbing plot that gets a little nuts. One of those movies I can’t say I enjoyed, although I appreciated the effort and talent it took to make it.

Rating: 1/2 of 5 necronomicons This is the remake with Rami/Tapert/Campbell not involved in writing/directing/acting, just producing. You know the plot, I had no idea why they made this. Still don’t. Not as scary as either the original or first remake. No humor, which even for the less-funny/more scary Rami version was a keystone.No reason to watch it, really. Only gets a 1/2 because it was slightly interesting to see Jane Levy in another roll after liking her a lot in “Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist”.

Rating: 4 of 5 unstoppable alien hordes WAY better than I expected. Good concept, good acting, good action. Somewhat original ideas (but a reminder that Alien was the progenitor of all decent alien movies). Exploding aliens, totally mismatched weaponry, impossible odds. What’s not to like?

Rating: 3 out of 4 bodegas Fun music, great ensemble dances, liked the sets a lot. Camera work was a bit frantic at times, and on the big screen, sometimes hard to watch. Plot was simple, nothing that’ll require a deep attention span.

Rating: 3 of 4 space helmets
A fun sorta mockumentary about a couple guys who started playing Bluegrass in 2004 in NYC cosplaying aliens visiting earth. The guys are endearing, other actors not bad, and Dee Snyder runs the bar where they play. It’s definitely worth a watch, unless you hate Bluegrass. On Netflix.

Rating: 3 out of 4 demonic possessed kids As good as the best of the Conjuring/Anabelle movies. Aside from the standard not turning on lights, and 20w bulbs in the lights that are on, good scares with strategic, but not too frequent scary imagery.

Rating: Two of four zombies
Sounded awesome. Zach Snyder? Zombies (again)? Should be awesome. Was just OK. Many slow parts, a bunch of fun scenes, but it just didn’t gel.

Rating: 5 of 5 camera cranes
Orson Welles last US film as a director. The first shot, about 4 minutes long, is a masterpiece. 1958, and an amazing non-stop tracking shot with what had to be a crane truck that could retract to follow people walking on the street. I’m sure Tarantino studied it closely.

Rating: skip it
Wasn’t expecting much, even though one writer did Avengers movies and the other the Godzilla/Kong movies. It was atrocious. So, so so bad. Nearly every scene a ripoff of a good monster film, terrible dialog, stupid plot. Expensive effects. Do not recommend.

Rating: Amazeballs 5 out of 5 subtitles Refreshingly original concept and story, good acting and situations. Unexpected plot twists seal the deal.

Rating: 3-1/2 out of 4 Sarsgaards Great atmospheric thriller/horror. Good acting from world-class actors (including John Hurt), great cinematography of Louisiana, never quite sure who to be watching out for. A couple lazy plot points, but pretty solid story.

Rating: Zero out of Four wisdom teeth
Ooo, is that Anya from Buffy? Why yes it is! The first 30 minutes were really good. Demon tooth fairy. This concept could work. But it soon lost all semblance of plot, actors came and went, logic was lost, flashlights were lost, hope was lost. And then it got silly. And then it just got totally stupid, and I was wondering when Nicholas Cage was going to show up.

Rating: 3/4 plunging knife wounds Found this on Netflix. I assumed a “terrorized alone in a house in the woods” flick could bring nothing new to the oversaturated genre. I was wrong. Well written and acted, very few “why are you hiding behind the wall of chainsaws?” moments. A lot of tension, a smart strong protagonist, a brilliant soundtrack (I realize now I’m very picky about soundtracks), some very scary bits, and one scene in particular that is extra special disturbing, plus a satisfying ending.

Rating: 2 of 5 computer generated canines
Slightly better than my very low expectations. Disney Mousewashes a brilliant Jack London story, but still kills a couple of people in the process. Jack London would have despised it.

Rating: 3 / 4 George Romeros This did not suck at all. It’s a Zombie flick, and totally believable. Really good use of not ominous, but uncomfortable music. Also very good use of music in other forms. A smart main character (be still my heart!), fast and mute Zombies. Note to self: fast zombies are scary, fast silent zombies are really scary. Sly bits of humor, innovative takes on what to do if stuck in an apartment building with nothing to do (relevant for global pandemics as well).

Rating: 1/2 of 4 sad remakes
I wish this movie was invisible. What is it with these horrible soundtracks totally overreaching a mediocre and boring slog? If the music turns ominous or creepy, relax. When the music turns boring, and especially if it stops, something may happen!Let’s move on to visual mediocrity. Lots of blue filters, in lieu of actual acting. I’m really tired of blue filters. Unless your movie is set in Antarctica or Seattle, add some warm tones.

Rating: 0 Fantasies / who really cares? I knew this was panned by critics and civilians, and wasn’t expecting much. Wow, still wasn’t expecting this mess. So, the first acts… For the most part, 2nd rate actors from 3rd rate films. And Michael Pena. But, in Pena’s first couple scenes, I even said “if I didn’t know he was a good actor, I’d think he was a terrible actor!” The acting sucks pretty uniformly, so that’s something consistent 😂.

Rating: 3/5 Sean Beans A more-or-less by the book dystopian future, that borrows from a lot of better stories. A really great cast, pretty good acting, pretty flat writing. Lots and lots of action, mostly gratuitous, but still technically well executed. Ending isn’t going to surprise anyone. Still, didn’t feel like I’d wasted my time. One extra Bean, mostly because the flick has plenty of Scarlett Johansson.

Rating: 🐉🐉 / 🐉🐉🐉🐉 Looks like the second in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. Haven’t watched the first yet. Decent action flick, nothing surprising, but not boring. Silly tech bits though.

This will be quick. “It Comes at Night?” No it doesn’t. Some confusing mess about a family, a scary virus, ominous music and scared people, none of whom you ever care about. Then a second family shows up, who you also don’t care about. 99% of it happens in a cabin in the woods. Stupid ending. They kill the dog.

Rating: 2/4 creepy teens The plot was very thin, important plot points unexplained, and the music. Oh the music. One of those “creepy” movies that has ominous music when people are drinking ovaltine, yet none of their heads explode.

Rating: 5/5 psychotic anti-heros A fascinating, paced drama, a little reminiscent of Taxi Driver, which I found out after viewing, had the same Writer. Ethan Hawk is really amazing. Wonderful cinematography, intense and well written. No one will remain seated during the last 15 minutes. Yikes.

Rating: 3.5 /5 shell casings
With Zoe Saldana from 2011. A mostly predictable action revenge flick, and aside from some not-gratuitous-enough shower scenes, overall, enjoyable.

I’d watch Charlize Theron eat potato chips, and love it. But, this was good. Interesting story, good action, lots of Charlize.

Rating: 4 of 5 Dicks
A 1999 comedy about 2 teenagers who end up walking Nixon’s dog. Very cute, fun soundtrack, and so many actors who later made it big. It’s silly, and gets sillier, but with politics, pandemic, and my state burning up, I needed something very light.

Just watched Hereditary with Toni Collette and Gabriel Byrne. Holy fucking duckballs. Scared the crap out of both of us. Totally unexpected, nothing went as you expected, absolutely terrifying, and wrapped it all up so by the end you actually understood the whole story. But, fuck, save something funny to “wind down” after this. Scariest original flick I’ve seen since Us. Fuckity fuck fuck fuck.

Rating: 3/4 Cabins in the woods Summary: A good atmospheric horror flick. A couple unnecessary audio shockers, and unsympathetic character development bring it down a notch.

Rating: 5 of 5 axes
Holy crap. 2-1/2 hours of tension. I’m exhausted. Loved it.

Rating: 3/4 blunts Watched the Jay and Silent Bob Reboot last night. About what I expected. Fun cast, uneven story. Definitely a film for the fans. I give it 3 blunts. One whole blunt because Jason Mewes has gone through a lot of hard times.

Rating: 4 / 4 Nazis hunters
Damn. Best movie I think I’ve seen this year. I knew nothing about it, except the legend (wait for it…) ary actors, which was perfect.

Rating: None, didn’t make it though We tried Knives Out. It just never caught our fancy. After an hour, we gave up. Was good to see so many of our favorite actors though.

Rating: 3/4 Lady Aberlains
Excellent. Especially because it wasn’t just another Fred Rodgers retelling, we have a great one of those already. It’s more about how Fred’s very nature of caring, facing even really hard issues as part of life, with an open heart and mind, could deeply effect others in a positive way. BTW, the Lady Aberlain rating is because I had a serious crush on her on as a kid.

Rating: 3 of 5 lightsabers
OK, I’ll admit it. I’m a total geek and a moderately big sci-fi fan. Used to be a mega-big sci-fi fan late in high school days. My “first” Star Wars movie was Empire Stikes back. I was certainly old enough to see Star Wars when it came out, but couldn’t imagine anyone lining up to see a movie. Sure, it got some good reviews, but “space opera” didn’t do it for me, nor did the folks wearing “May the force be with you” buttons at school.