September 17, 2023

Rubber

Rating: 3 of 5 psycho killers
This’ll be quick. It’s a B movie about a sentient car tire that goes on a killing spree. That’s it. The entire plot. All in all, kinda fun.

September 17, 2023

The Flash

Rating: 2 of 5 Batmans
First off, for a movie about the fastest super hero, this movie is hella slow. Seriously. Could have been half the length if they just cut the repetitive and useless scenes. Like maybe an hour? I didn’t really see this from any prior review, but this is DC’s remake of Marvel’s Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. Toss in a little “Yesterday” changing of the past, and viola, another bad DC movie.

September 16, 2023

The Whale

Rating: 4 of 5 pizzas
Not a movie to watch if you’re looking for a light comedy. Well written and very well acted drama about a man who had become morbidly obese, reflecting on his life. it’s poignant and moving and often hard to watch, but it’s also interesting and looks at complex interactions between complex people. It got a lot of criticism and bad press, I think because of the “fat suit”, but I’m just writing that off to some group having a vocal issues with just about anything now, and somehow getting press about it.

September 15, 2023

Mafia Mama

Rating: 4 of 5 vinters
Watched on a whim when I couldn’t sleep, didn’t expect much, but I like Toni Collette, so gave it a shot. Enjoyed it a lot. It was fun, violent, and overall quite entertaining. Plot was unsurprising, but the writing and characters were all interesting. Worth a watch. Maybe only at 2am when you can’t sleep, but whatever works.

August 20, 2023

The Popes Exorcist

Rating: 5 of 5 projectile vomits
Can’t really spoil the plot. There’s a kid, they’re possessed, Russell Crowe is called in to make things better. Hillarity ensues. But, in this case, it’s really well done. It’s scary, creepy, a little bit mysterious, and pacing moves along quite well. Crowe pulls off an excellent performance as an Italian priest, the supporting cast supports, although they don’t get a lot of character definition. One of the best demonic possession films to show up in years.

August 19, 2023

Cocaine Bear

Rating: 4 of 5 severed limbs
I expected a ridiculous film. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s bloody, gory, funny, and slightly dramatic. If for no other reason, you should see it because it’s Ray Liotta’s last film. Plot is about as simple as you get. There’s cocaine, a bear finds it, the bear gets a little frisky. I laughed, I cringed, I felt empathy for the bear. I could get all judgy and complain about how if this is entertainment, our society has failed, but basically, this is just a spin on Cujo, which many people consider a classic.

July 30, 2023

Paradise

Rating: 4 of 5 years
Take “In Time” (with Justin Timberlake), make it grungier, and the lifetime/cash exchange run by a sinister corp, and you’ve basically got the plot. It’s pretty good, German with pretty good dubbing. Lots of action, a simple but solid plot, and a little gratuitous nudity. Also refreshingly no obvious special effects (except for some horrible added “smoke”, seriously, if it looks that fake, don’t use it). Mostly practical explosions and stuff, which was kindof nice and old school.

July 29, 2023

Knock at the Cabin

Rating: 3 of 5 cabins
Being an M. Night film, don’t want to say much, easy to spoil something you may not have seen coming. But I liked it. It was moody and creepy and had memorable visuals. Given the wild variability of the quality of his films, on the Shyamalan scale, it gets a 4 of 5. But on the regular scale, just a 3.

July 19, 2023

A Man Called Otto

Rating: 5 of 5 neighbors
Tom Hanks plays a grumpy man who was just forced into retirement, and had recently lost his wife. Not a very uplifting setup, but the movie is realistic, poignant, funny, sad, and heartwarming. Hanks is again perfect in his role, and the supporting cast are all excellent. Highly recommended.

July 10, 2023

65

Rating: 3 of 5 CGI dinos
Visually great, although wonderfully generated dinosaurs has been played out by now. Very superficial and common plot. Crash landed on a planet, protagonist struggles against impossible odds to figure out how to escape. That’s the big plot, so mostly, it’s dealing with dinos. But the endless Jurassic Park films already numbed us to that plot-line. So, it’s a chance to watch Adam Driver run around and try out new facial expressions.