Rating: 2 of 5 Colosseum Sharks
Best thing, makes the first Gladiator seem like a classic! Kinda boring, kinda gory, uses some characters from history, sortof. The historical stories were more interesting. All one needs to do is read the plot summary on Wikipedia to realize how confusing the whole mess is. Wasn’t impressed with Paul Mescal’s performance. Couldn’t tell if he was angry, hopeless, or moody. Definately never happy though.

Rating: 1 of 5 CGI Animals
Boring and confusing with generally silly action scenes. Maybe it wasn’t confusing, but it was just so boring that I kept not paying much attention? Russell Crowe is in it, but with such a terrible Russian accent, he needs subtitles. Or not, he doesn’t say anything interesting. Very earnestly delivered dialogue, and then you think, “um, why was that pointless drivel spoken so earnestly?” It felt like a bad comic, so I checked.

Rating: 5 of 5 car rolls
A fun action movie, with a slight nod to the TV Series, plot-wise. A casual attempt at a dramatic plot wraps the stunts into a story. A few slow parts, but in general, good pacing to keep you engaged. Amazing stunt work, which is kindof the whole point. And the actors obviously had a blast making the movie.

Rating: 5 of 5 flying body parts
Comically over-the-top violence? Check. More one liners than you can shake a sword at? Check. Breaking the 4th wall at every opportunity? Check. Maybe the best flick of the franchise. Absolutely top shelf writing and delivery.

Rating: 3 of 5 homicidal parents
Something causes parents to want to violently kill their children. Hilarity ensues. That’s about it. Pretty good creepy flick staring the master of horror, Mr. Nicolas Cage. Have to take off a star because the alternating quiet then insanely loud music is unnecessary, and another for the hyperactive camera work.

Rating: 4 of 5 buddy flicks
The plot leaves a bit to be desired, and is intentionally pretty thin, since the movie is really just about the chemistry between Clooney and Pitt. But, that chemistry is quite good, and makes for a very fun buddy flick.

Rating: 4 of 5 headless bodies
Liam Neeson has a particular set of skills, even though he’s a simple snowplow operator in this action flick, you go with what you know. Not bad, as Yet Another Revenge action movie. Seems like these require their own category, there are so many of them. And nearly always close family member meets with untimely end, quiet/retired protagonist for some reason (cops don’t believe it was foul play, are in cahoots with bad folks, can’t be involved because spies) must kill everyone involved, because that’s how it works.

Rating: 4 of 5 root kits
A near future action/revenge story. Nothing particulary novel, bad things happen, main character eventually goes after the people who caused the bad things. Think Robocop. But, it’s fun. And violent, and dystopian. Not a ton of character development, just as well, these characters are sterotypes and don’t need it. But, all in all, a fun ride, if you don’t think about it too much.

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
Loosely based on actual events, it’s a wartime tale in the early part of WWII where a group of special agents sabotage a Nazi U-Boat supply ship. Lots of violence, in the actual mission, no one was killed. Team dynamics are good, and action is exciting, if manufactured. All in all an OK action film.

Rating: 4 of 5 Parkours
A lot of action, a little plot, just how we like it. During a chase scene a bit in, I realized there was some plot about information or a device, or whatever was in a briefcase being something a lot of heavily armed people with no interest in collateral damage want. But that’s just the substrate on which they put another film with a secret agent who pairs with a regular person who ends up having The Right Stuff to quickly become an action star.

Rating: 4 of 5 slimers
A fun and nostalgic story. Nothing particularly innovative though. Effects were fine, having most of the original cast back was fun. I particularly liked the addition of Kumail Nanjiani, his comic timing is so good. Hoping they put a ghost in this series though. None match the first for originality, humor, and scale.

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
A Hong Kong film about, yes, a future dystopia. Something about alien plants that are very nasty, and grow very, very large. Vehicle/robot/aliens are really well designed and crafted (or generated). Tons of action, even more than in a typical Mission Impossible, I’m betting. Only downside are annoying stereotypical characters and situations.

Rating: 2 of 5 stranger things
A very pretty film, but slow moving and very predictible. I expected better writing, given the cast. But, strong women characters are a refreshing take on the whole knights and dragons genre.

Rating: 4 of 5 stars
A very different film, totally unexpected. Amazing performances, which go so far as to change how you view the actors, given how fully they committed to their roles. Mostly a “coming of age” story, but from a interesting perspective.

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
Interesting take on a dystopian future. The population is basically drugged into a calm stupor, so there’s no conflict or war or feelings. One person is chosen as the holder of all past knowledge. We get to be there as the next Giver gets his training, and finds out what’s actually going on, and decides to shake it all up. I liked that it definitely had different ideas than a lot of other takes on the same overall premise.

Rating: 0 of 5 glowing seahorses
I’d read this reviews that this sucked, but we all like Mamoa, and watched the others, and gave it a go with very low expectations. Well… it sucked. It sucked with a suckiness that can only happen when a studio with deep pockets wants to spend zero on creative effort, tons on blue screen effects, and just make bank. Acting was atrocious by every single actor. The writing was worse than some LLM generated nonsense (maybe that was intentional?

Rating: 4 of 5 very large bugs
An action film, with a bit of humor tossed in, and a little bit of drama. Basically a post-apocalyptic tale where Earth’s non-mammal wildlife has mutated, and clans have formed to survive a very hostile environment. But one young man with a lack of skills decides to make a journey for love. Expected a throwaway time waster, but actually rather enjoyed it. The special effects were way better than expected, and the writing was OK.

Rating: 4 of 5 fake passports
A fun action spy thriller, in the vein of Mr and Mrs Smith. Although the basic plot has been done several times, both Kaley Cuoco and David Oyelowo give excellent believable performances. Slightly dramatic, slightly humorous, action isn’t relentless or over the top.

Rating: 5 of 5 degrees of Kevin Bacon
An intense flick where what’s going on is slowly revealed as things progress, so no plot hints. Basically a couple take their two kids for a vacation that is just outside NYC, but in the woods, so quiet and isolated. Stuff starts going wrong, and although the reveals aren’t a total surprise, the series of things happening continue to surprise, and keep you on the edge of your BarcaLounger. In a rare surprise, I really liked how they handled the end, as they reveal the last bits of the puzzle.

Rating: 5 of 5 undead
A train. Fast and furious undead. Superb practical special effects. Scary and intense and bloody. If you like zombie flicks, it’s a must watch.

Rating: 3 of 5 Sharknados
Good guys, bad guys, sharks and other scary creatures. That’s pretty much it. A much less violent and bloody sequel, with a lot more goofyness. Felt like a Sharknado movie with better production values at times. But, you get to follow Jason Statham actioning with all the action he can muster. Continuity errors everywhere, but it is a story about monster sharks, so I guess a tight plot isn’t high on the list.

Rating: 4 of 5 capers
A nearly perfect Jason Statham vehicle. Action, more action, a little acting, and more action. And for the acting we have Aubrey Plaza, being a snarky, caustic delight, dread pirate Wesley, and Hugh Grant, plus some other folks, but they didn’t capture my interest. A few twists and turns, but it’s an action flick, and it doesn’t disappoint.

Rating: 2 of 5 Batmans
First off, for a movie about the fastest super hero, this movie is hella slow. Seriously. Could have been half the length if they just cut the repetitive and useless scenes. Like maybe an hour? I didn’t really see this from any prior review, but this is DC’s remake of Marvel’s Dr. Strange and the Multiverse of Madness. Toss in a little “Yesterday” changing of the past, and viola, another bad DC movie.

Rating: 4 of 5 vinters
Watched on a whim when I couldn’t sleep, didn’t expect much, but I like Toni Collette, so gave it a shot. Enjoyed it a lot. It was fun, violent, and overall quite entertaining. Plot was unsurprising, but the writing and characters were all interesting. Worth a watch. Maybe only at 2am when you can’t sleep, but whatever works.

Rating: 4 of 5 severed limbs
I expected a ridiculous film. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s bloody, gory, funny, and slightly dramatic. If for no other reason, you should see it because it’s Ray Liotta’s last film. Plot is about as simple as you get. There’s cocaine, a bear finds it, the bear gets a little frisky. I laughed, I cringed, I felt empathy for the bear. I could get all judgy and complain about how if this is entertainment, our society has failed, but basically, this is just a spin on Cujo, which many people consider a classic.

Rating: 3 of 5 CGI dinos
Visually great, although wonderfully generated dinosaurs has been played out by now. Very superficial and common plot. Crash landed on a planet, protagonist struggles against impossible odds to figure out how to escape. That’s the big plot, so mostly, it’s dealing with dinos. But the endless Jurassic Park films already numbed us to that plot-line. So, it’s a chance to watch Adam Driver run around and try out new facial expressions.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 sledgehammers
This looked pretty cheesey when I first saw the poster, before the holidays. Finally showed up for free streaming, so we gave it a shot. It was hillarious. And violent. But, that’s in the title, so can’t really complain about the violence! Simple plot, Santa is visiting a house where the family is being held by armed and violent thieves. And, it has actors you’ll recognize: David Harbour, John Leguizamo, and Beverly D’Angelo lead the cast.

Rating: 2 of 5 puffers
Aliens take over earth, some people don’t like it, and I guess they fight back? Hard to tell, really. I found it confusing, with little to no character development, at it was unclear what was so different about alien rule, or just a global dictatorship. All in all, I’d pass on it, there are a lot of perfectly good aliens take over and are challenged by spunky human flicks out there.

Rating: 3 of 5 stars
Let’s start with the obvious. The big car chase is a 5 out of 5. For fans of classic 60’s cars, and nostalgic views of San Francisco, this movie has them in abundance. However, as a thriller, it’s not very thrilling. In fact, it’s very dark (were hospitals actually this badly lit after the invention of electric lighting?) and fairly slow and plodding about 75% of the time, with remarkably little dialog throughout.

Rating: 4 of 5 warriors
Well acted and beautifully filmed, including massive action sequences. with Viola Davis doing an incredible job as the primary protagonist. Very loosely based on historical events, it’s a facinating story of the woman army of an African King. And the dramatic license is used to explore interpersonal relationships, good vs evil, politics, slavery. All in all, a really well done film.

Rating: 4 of 5 Haunted Houses
As Stefan from SNL says “This movie has everything!”. It’s got a haunted house, a family working out family issues, drama, comedy, action. There are car chases, human chases, police, a secret government agency, a murder myster, Tig Notaro, and a ghost. All in all, an enjoyable flick good enough to overlook its flaws.

Rating: 4 of 5 sexbots
What could easily have been Yet Another Robot story pulls out all kinds of new ideas, and keeps you guessing right until the end. Fun and gory and creepy and uncomfortable. Just as they intended. Really enjoyed this one.

Rating: 4 of 5 scooters
A delightful film about a 93 year old who gets scammed, and exacts justice. Funny, warm-hearted, with really good character development, and endearing performances.

Rating: 4 of 5 wedding disasters
A fun distraction. Witherspoon and Ferrell have a lot of fun together, and the cast were all decent background. Plot has weddings in it, and hillarity ensues. That’s about it.

Rating: 4 of 5 coconuts
Mostly a vehicle for Julia Roberts and George Clooney to exchange banter and show us chemistry, and they are hillarious together. It’s also a sweet romance story, with a hint at drama, but not really. Great supporting cast, lovely locations. Really just a very solid rom-com.

Rating: 4 of 5 slimers
A fun and nostalgic story. Nothing particularly innovative though. Effects were fine, having most of the original cast back was fun. I particularly liked the addition of Kumail Nanjiani, his comic timing is so good. Hoping they put a ghost in this series though. None match the first for originality, humor, and scale.

Rating: 0 of 5 dick jokes
We’ll keep it short. Absolutely terrible adolecent trash. 90 minutes of dick and sex jokes, using so much gratuitous profanity that anyone young enough to be entertained, shouldn’t see it.

Rating: 4 of 5 Earring Magic Kens
Overall, a really good movie. Socially relevant, yet funny and poignant. Lots of really good background detail, great dialog. Some scenes went on way too long (hello musical Ken number), some were out of place, but as a whole, it worked on several levels. Loved the Matrix references, which work whether or not you notice them. And some of the details, like having every Barbie doll represented, including all the discontinued versions, was fun, as was having the actual inventor of the character get a cameo with lines!

Rating: 3 of 5 science projects
The one word review, weird. Even for Wes Anderson. The overall film reminded me of Eraserhead, or other early David Lynch experimental films. There’s kindof a loose plot, which you are told is a play, and the film switches between the narrator/writer/“real” life in black and white, and the story/play in 50’s color. So the overall narrative won’t be for everyone, or even many. But, it has a laundry list of really good actors, most playing bit parts, and all performing well.

Rating: 4 of 5 talking animals
Well this was unexpected. Ryan Reynolds not playing Ryan Reynolds (mostly). Expected a comedy, given Anna Kendrick also starring in the film, but nope. At best, a black comedy, but deep into the black, light on the comedy. Not quite a horror film, but Jerry (Reynolds) has issues, hearing voices from his pets and others. It’s captivating, you want to see how it all plays out. The ending, pretty good, actually.

Rating: 5 of 5 Sea Shanty's
Mostly a true story, a group of fisherman and rescue workers who sang Sea Shanty’s for fun, then got a record deal. Filmed where it happened in a small village in Ireland, with music from the actors and band members, with cameos of all the group. Mostly happy, a bunch of funny, and tiny bit of drama/sad, but overall a feel-good film, made better because it’s mostly true! Absolutely loved it.

Rating: 5 of 5 stars
A funny 60’s ensemble comedy. Was shot in and around the town of Mendocino, CA.

Rating: 4 of 5 Smoke filled station wagons
Wasn’t expecting a lot, but this time travel horror/comedy has great writing, well acted, lots of 80’s memorabilia, and was also scary and bloody. It also gets a big shout out for the quick Monty Python and the Holy Grail visual gag.

Rating: 3 of 5 psycho killers
This’ll be quick. It’s a B movie about a sentient car tire that goes on a killing spree. That’s it. The entire plot. All in all, kinda fun.

Rating: 4 of 5 vinters
Watched on a whim when I couldn’t sleep, didn’t expect much, but I like Toni Collette, so gave it a shot. Enjoyed it a lot. It was fun, violent, and overall quite entertaining. Plot was unsurprising, but the writing and characters were all interesting. Worth a watch. Maybe only at 2am when you can’t sleep, but whatever works.

Rating: 4 of 5 severed limbs
I expected a ridiculous film. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s bloody, gory, funny, and slightly dramatic. If for no other reason, you should see it because it’s Ray Liotta’s last film. Plot is about as simple as you get. There’s cocaine, a bear finds it, the bear gets a little frisky. I laughed, I cringed, I felt empathy for the bear. I could get all judgy and complain about how if this is entertainment, our society has failed, but basically, this is just a spin on Cujo, which many people consider a classic.

Rating: 5 of 5 neighbors
Tom Hanks plays a grumpy man who was just forced into retirement, and had recently lost his wife. Not a very uplifting setup, but the movie is realistic, poignant, funny, sad, and heartwarming. Hanks is again perfect in his role, and the supporting cast are all excellent. Highly recommended.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 sledgehammers
This looked pretty cheesey when I first saw the poster, before the holidays. Finally showed up for free streaming, so we gave it a shot. It was hillarious. And violent. But, that’s in the title, so can’t really complain about the violence! Simple plot, Santa is visiting a house where the family is being held by armed and violent thieves. And, it has actors you’ll recognize: David Harbour, John Leguizamo, and Beverly D’Angelo lead the cast.

Rating: 3 of 5 zomcoms
A zombie rom com. A pretty average comedy, riding almost entirely on Aubry Plaza’s talent for playing manic characters. Some really funny moments early on, it gets a bit tragic in the third act.

Rating: 2 of 5 lead actors
Starring a bunch of actors I like, looked like a decent black comedy, but ensemble productions are such a crapshoot. More often than not, the script doesn’t do the actors justice. Unfortunately, this follows that pattern. I liked the overall plot, and some of the performances, but not enough to keep things interesting. The story didn’t have enough material and depth to fill the screen-time. All in all, it was OK, but I wouldn’t go out of your way to watch it.

Rating: 2 of 5 Tube men
Avoided any information about this, so I wouldn’t have any secrets spoiled. Won’t give away any here. Thought it was just OK. It had some striking visuals, but motivations, or any real character development, was iffy. Story is either increadibly simplistic, or incredibly confusing, and I’m still not sure which. It had an ending, but if I understood what was going on, it was almost a “oops, we’re out of time/money, gotta wrap it up.

Rating: 4 of 5 Haunted Houses
As Stefan from SNL says “This movie has everything!”. It’s got a haunted house, a family working out family issues, drama, comedy, action. There are car chases, human chases, police, a secret government agency, a murder myster, Tig Notaro, and a ghost. All in all, an enjoyable flick good enough to overlook its flaws.

Rating: 4 of 5 Quarks
A pretty fun post-apocalyptic romp with comedians. Fun cameos, it has Barry Bostwick, Armin Shimerman, plus the evil Mayor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. A pretty well written and acted comedy, no real spoilers, a couple goes through an apocalypse of unknown origin. Hilarity ensues. Obviously a shoestring budget, you don’t expect to see actors you recognize in movies this low budget. Given the length of the “special thanks” list, they might have financed with individual donations.

Rating: 4 of 5 sexbots
What could easily have been Yet Another Robot story pulls out all kinds of new ideas, and keeps you guessing right until the end. Fun and gory and creepy and uncomfortable. Just as they intended. Really enjoyed this one.

Rating: 4 of 5 scooters
A delightful film about a 93 year old who gets scammed, and exacts justice. Funny, warm-hearted, with really good character development, and endearing performances.

Rating: 4 of 5 sparkles
A well crafted, if melancholy story about aging, changes, and everyday life in Vegas. Excellent performances from Pam Anderson, Jamie Lee Curtis, and Dave Bautista.

Rating: 5 of 5 actual stars
Amazingly beautiful, both in cinematography and soundtrack, this well acted drama can’t be considered science fiction, because they went to great lengths to make sure the science was actually science-y. It’s a bit long, but that’s because they spend a lot of time giving you the backstory, which really pays off in the final act. The technology, from using NASA-accurate switch panels, to the really interesting robots showed ridiculous attention to detail and imagination.

Rating: 1 of 5 cigarettes
As pretentious and silly as it’s title, I still have no idea what the intention of this movie was, other than give Lady Gaga another opportunity to belt out a few tunes, and I’m guessing sell cigarettes. Not since 50’s Film Noir has there been so much on screen smoking. Yeesh. Boring, slow, tedious, predictable. There is no reason to watch this humorless flop. None.

Rating: 5 of 5 Pacinos
A very well crafted and acted story about a hitman who’s loosing his memory, but has loose ends to wrap up while he’s still able to function. Michael Keaton turns in another great performance, and Al Pacino shows up as Keaton’s mentor, amazing as always. It’s a bit of a thriller, and keeps you guessing about how it’s going to wrap up to the end.

Rating: 4 of 5 stars
A creepy film, hard to categorize. Drama? Thriller? Basic premise is simple, the main character (Nicholas Cage) starts appearing in peoples dreams. He doesn’t know why, nor does anyone else. It gets creepier since the dreams aren’t nice, and people’s reactions start to effect his real life. It’s a bit nightmareish as you watch the fallout. The last 20 minutes is kindof a “4th act” which is both plausable, and even more of a nightmare.

Rating: 3 of 5 Totoros
A visually stunning story about a Japanese boy during WWII. The boy looses his mother, his father moves them out of Tokyo, and he has fantasy adventures. That’s about it, without giving any of the adventures away. As seems typical of these stories, it’s sad and scary, but beautiful. I got lost as to what was going on, but just went for the ride. And then it abruptly was over.

Rating: 4 of 5 fake passports
A fun action spy thriller, in the vein of Mr and Mrs Smith. Although the basic plot has been done several times, both Kaley Cuoco and David Oyelowo give excellent believable performances. Slightly dramatic, slightly humorous, action isn’t relentless or over the top.

Rating: 4 of 5 Batons
An interesting look into the life and career of Leonard Bernstein. New very little of him, he was obviously brilliant and did not fit into the mold of expected social norms. Although his choral music isn’t my jam, I appreciated his passion and energy. Also, Bradley Cooper did a fantastic job portraying him, I’d often forget who he was. Worth a watch, if you enjoy learning about interesting and unusual people.

Rating: 5 of 5 degrees of Kevin Bacon
An intense flick where what’s going on is slowly revealed as things progress, so no plot hints. Basically a couple take their two kids for a vacation that is just outside NYC, but in the woods, so quiet and isolated. Stuff starts going wrong, and although the reveals aren’t a total surprise, the series of things happening continue to surprise, and keep you on the edge of your BarcaLounger. In a rare surprise, I really liked how they handled the end, as they reveal the last bits of the puzzle.

Rating: 5 of 5 Sea Shanty's
Mostly a true story, a group of fisherman and rescue workers who sang Sea Shanty’s for fun, then got a record deal. Filmed where it happened in a small village in Ireland, with music from the actors and band members, with cameos of all the group. Mostly happy, a bunch of funny, and tiny bit of drama/sad, but overall a feel-good film, made better because it’s mostly true! Absolutely loved it.

Rating: 5 of 5 floating yogis
A short story written by Roald Dahl in 1976. Wonderfully performed by Benedict Cumberbatch, Ralph Fiennes, and Dev Patel, along with some others. Directed by Wes Anderson, and has both his and Dahl’s wonderful visionary magic all over it. The sets are also wonderful, feels like a play with the moving scenery. Rapidly spoken, it’s a short but very intense 40 minute experience.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 greys
Geesh, saying just about anything would be a spoiler that I’m glad I didn’t have. Knew nothing about this going in, other than Steven King saying it was really good, and the poster looking like some light beam was levitating someone up. Spoiler free review, it’s scary, and reveals the story slowly, but with plenty of good frights in between. Once you get the various bits of the story, you understand pretty much everything that’s gone on.

Rating: 4 of 5 pizzas
Not a movie to watch if you’re looking for a light comedy. Well written and very well acted drama about a man who had become morbidly obese, reflecting on his life. it’s poignant and moving and often hard to watch, but it’s also interesting and looks at complex interactions between complex people. It got a lot of criticism and bad press, I think because of the “fat suit”, but I’m just writing that off to some group having a vocal issues with just about anything now, and somehow getting press about it.

Rating: 5 of 5 neighbors
Tom Hanks plays a grumpy man who was just forced into retirement, and had recently lost his wife. Not a very uplifting setup, but the movie is realistic, poignant, funny, sad, and heartwarming. Hanks is again perfect in his role, and the supporting cast are all excellent. Highly recommended.

Rating: 2 of 5 straightjackets
Visualy unusual, starts off creepy and disturbing. Stays disturbing, but not all that creepy. The close-in photography wears a bit thin, and the music is definately a character in itself. The plot is pretty light. It’s more of a slice of life, following people through a couple weird days, but for people on the fringe. Not really horror or sci-fi, more offbeat drama-thriller.

Rating: 4 of 5 warriors
Well acted and beautifully filmed, including massive action sequences. with Viola Davis doing an incredible job as the primary protagonist. Very loosely based on historical events, it’s a facinating story of the woman army of an African King. And the dramatic license is used to explore interpersonal relationships, good vs evil, politics, slavery. All in all, a really well done film.

Rating: 4 of 5 overnight parking spots
A pseuo-documentary about present day Nomads, people who travel around, generally living in RV’s, or small outfitted Van RV’s, some doing seasonal work across the country as it comes up. Some by necessity, some by choice. Aside from a few actors, primarily Frances McDormand in the lead role, the cast are actual Nomads. Surprisingly little dramatic license, without traditional acts. I spent much of the film waiting for the big tragedy or dramatic event to happen, but it never arrived.

Rating: 4 of 5 sexbots
What could easily have been Yet Another Robot story pulls out all kinds of new ideas, and keeps you guessing right until the end. Fun and gory and creepy and uncomfortable. Just as they intended. Really enjoyed this one.

Rating: 4 of 5 Escape rooms
Starts off as a formulaic horror movie, with young folks filling the various stereotypes. They go to a haunted house in the middle of nowhere. And, it’s a bit more over the top than they were hoping for. Not Saw level violence (thank goodness), but it also doesn’t rely solely on jump-scares. All in all, scary with some surprises, decent visuals, competent acting.

Rating: 3 of 5 Cursed hands
Wasn’t sure going in, teenagers doing stupid things with cursed objects is overdone, and seldom well done. And, certainly the start of the movie is thick with it, gotta bite your lip and not yell “you stupid kids!” Kids keep poking at the evil until it pokes back hard, and gets pretty chilling. Nothing really unexpected, although they try to hint at a deeper plot, it never really gets fleshed out.

Rating: 5 of 5 apple ice creams
Another demonic possession movie? Yawn. But… Not so fast! This is scary. It’s also introspective, and explores human reactions to unknown horrors. Being an Argentinian film, many things which are simply not done in American Horror (or you’d risk an adult-only rating) are free game. That means all bets are off, and scenes you’d expect are just tense, get horrific in an instant. Not for the squeemish, and keep that cuddle blanket close.

Rating: 4 of 5 talking animals
Well this was unexpected. Ryan Reynolds not playing Ryan Reynolds (mostly). Expected a comedy, given Anna Kendrick also starring in the film, but nope. At best, a black comedy, but deep into the black, light on the comedy. Not quite a horror film, but Jerry (Reynolds) has issues, hearing voices from his pets and others. It’s captivating, you want to see how it all plays out. The ending, pretty good, actually.

Rating: 3 of 5 doors
Pretty good chapter in the never ending Insidious franchise. This one mostly focusses on the son, so that’s a refreshing change. It’s got your usual collections of scary stuff, just out of focus background terrors, and plenty of jump scares. All in all, a fine, if unnecessary, addition.

Rating: 2 of 5 plucked eyeballs
Pros: Better than Terrifier 1. A really scary clown. Cons: Stereotypically idiotic “victims”. Seriously, if these people hadn’t acted so stupidly, it could have gotten 4 eyeballs.

Rating: 3 of 5 jump scares
Weird thing, I was enjoying the movie as an atmosphereic horror film, with interesting photography and camera angles, well done sets, and the occasional jump scare. Plot wasn’t really complex, evil from the first film is back and spreading. About half-way through, I realized the young girl was not a younger version of the main character, and it was then I realized, I had no idea what was going on, since the scenes with the young character was NOT in fact flashbacks.

Rating: 4 of 5 Smoke filled station wagons
Wasn’t expecting a lot, but this time travel horror/comedy has great writing, well acted, lots of 80’s memorabilia, and was also scary and bloody. It also gets a big shout out for the quick Monty Python and the Holy Grail visual gag.

Rating: 5 of 5 undead
A train. Fast and furious undead. Superb practical special effects. Scary and intense and bloody. If you like zombie flicks, it’s a must watch.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 greys
Geesh, saying just about anything would be a spoiler that I’m glad I didn’t have. Knew nothing about this going in, other than Steven King saying it was really good, and the poster looking like some light beam was levitating someone up. Spoiler free review, it’s scary, and reveals the story slowly, but with plenty of good frights in between. Once you get the various bits of the story, you understand pretty much everything that’s gone on.

Rating: 3 of 5 psycho killers
This’ll be quick. It’s a B movie about a sentient car tire that goes on a killing spree. That’s it. The entire plot. All in all, kinda fun.

Rating: 5 of 5 projectile vomits
Can’t really spoil the plot. There’s a kid, they’re possessed, Russell Crowe is called in to make things better. Hillarity ensues. But, in this case, it’s really well done. It’s scary, creepy, a little bit mysterious, and pacing moves along quite well. Crowe pulls off an excellent performance as an Italian priest, the supporting cast supports, although they don’t get a lot of character definition. One of the best demonic possession films to show up in years.

Rating: 4 of 5 severed limbs
I expected a ridiculous film. I wasn’t disappointed. It’s bloody, gory, funny, and slightly dramatic. If for no other reason, you should see it because it’s Ray Liotta’s last film. Plot is about as simple as you get. There’s cocaine, a bear finds it, the bear gets a little frisky. I laughed, I cringed, I felt empathy for the bear. I could get all judgy and complain about how if this is entertainment, our society has failed, but basically, this is just a spin on Cujo, which many people consider a classic.

Rating: 3 of 5 cabins
Being an M. Night film, don’t want to say much, easy to spoil something you may not have seen coming. But I liked it. It was moody and creepy and had memorable visuals. Given the wild variability of the quality of his films, on the Shyamalan scale, it gets a 4 of 5. But on the regular scale, just a 3.

Rating: 4.5 of 5 non-Asimov robots
A rare combo of creepy, funny, and scary. All done pretty well. A few surprises, well done effects, and good acting all around. Came in not expecting a lot, since most all recent horror attempts weren’t great. This was refreshingly entertaining.

Rating: 2 of 5 Necronomicons
A big fan of the first 3, featuring Bruce Campbell, I don’t expect much from the continued sequels, even though Bruce and Sam Rami are involved as producers. Just to say, my bar is pretty low for these remakes. This started out pretty well, good visuals, a cursory nod to the original general plot. But, about halfway through, it just fizzled. More of the same, repeated, didn’t keep up with the scary bits.

Rating: 4 of 5 jump scares
Hope you like jump scares, ‘cause this is the definition of a jump scare flick. Also has a pretty good plot, and at least they had a reason for the film being dark (see the title for a hint).

Rating: 3 of 5 zomcoms
A zombie rom com. A pretty average comedy, riding almost entirely on Aubry Plaza’s talent for playing manic characters. Some really funny moments early on, it gets a bit tragic in the third act.

Rating: 2 of 5 Tube men
Avoided any information about this, so I wouldn’t have any secrets spoiled. Won’t give away any here. Thought it was just OK. It had some striking visuals, but motivations, or any real character development, was iffy. Story is either increadibly simplistic, or incredibly confusing, and I’m still not sure which. It had an ending, but if I understood what was going on, it was almost a “oops, we’re out of time/money, gotta wrap it up.

Rating: 5 of 5 jump scares
Excellent horror/thriller. Starts in a rainstorm, with an overbooked short-term rental. Slowly unravels some details, but only enough to keep you wondering what’s going on. Then, it gets creepy. Um, really creepy. As more is revealed, you realize it’s not a cookie cutter thriller. And, it was suprising (and creepy) all the way to the end.

Rating: 3 of 5 Corpses
Lots of action, doesn’t let up much. Not a very intricate plot, but Elba is a solid lead, and Serkis is a bad bad guy. Some very disturbing visuals, and a lot of corpses.

Rating: 4 of 5 Haunted Houses
As Stefan from SNL says “This movie has everything!”. It’s got a haunted house, a family working out family issues, drama, comedy, action. There are car chases, human chases, police, a secret government agency, a murder myster, Tig Notaro, and a ghost. All in all, an enjoyable flick good enough to overlook its flaws.

Rating: 4 of 5 Quarks
A pretty fun post-apocalyptic romp with comedians. Fun cameos, it has Barry Bostwick, Armin Shimerman, plus the evil Mayor from Buffy the Vampire Slayer in it. A pretty well written and acted comedy, no real spoilers, a couple goes through an apocalypse of unknown origin. Hilarity ensues. Obviously a shoestring budget, you don’t expect to see actors you recognize in movies this low budget. Given the length of the “special thanks” list, they might have financed with individual donations.

Rating: 2 of 5 Mickeys
A clumsy story, and lackluster performances make for a mediocre flick. This one got good ratings from a lot of folks, so there must be something there I just didn’t get. Not my cup of SciFi.

Rating: 4 of 5 Big cockroaches
Yet another creatures take over earth flick. But, all in all, it’s one of the good ones. Good acting, actors, effects, plot. Nothing too complicated since it’s basically a sidequest.

Rating: 4 of 5 Evil ents
Mysterious assignments of mysterious assasins to an secret area which has, wait for it, a big gorge. Naturally fog-filled with scary noises, mines, fences, and guard towers. Turned out pretty scary and fun, after a really boring and predictable setup. I even liked the ending.

Rating: 2 of 5 stars
Another dystopian future flick. This one centers around a teenager with biohacking skills. Visually impressive, but very slow moving. Not terrible, just kinda boring. For an indie film, the visuals are all the more impressive, just a shame the story doesn’t keep up.

Rating: 4 of 5 years
Take “In Time” (with Justin Timberlake), make it grungier, and the lifetime/cash exchange run by a sinister corp, and you’ve basically got the plot. It’s pretty good, German with pretty good dubbing. Lots of action, a simple but solid plot, and a little gratuitous nudity. Also refreshingly no obvious special effects (except for some horrible added “smoke”, seriously, if it looks that fake, don’t use it). Mostly practical explosions and stuff, which was kindof nice and old school.

Rating: 3 of 5 CGI dinos
Visually great, although wonderfully generated dinosaurs has been played out by now. Very superficial and common plot. Crash landed on a planet, protagonist struggles against impossible odds to figure out how to escape. That’s the big plot, so mostly, it’s dealing with dinos. But the endless Jurassic Park films already numbed us to that plot-line. So, it’s a chance to watch Adam Driver run around and try out new facial expressions.

Rating: 2 of 5 puffers
Aliens take over earth, some people don’t like it, and I guess they fight back? Hard to tell, really. I found it confusing, with little to no character development, at it was unclear what was so different about alien rule, or just a global dictatorship. All in all, I’d pass on it, there are a lot of perfectly good aliens take over and are challenged by spunky human flicks out there.

Rating: 4 of 5 Big cockroaches
Yet another creatures take over earth flick. But, all in all, it’s one of the good ones. Good acting, actors, effects, plot. Nothing too complicated since it’s basically a sidequest.

Rating: 4 of 5 Evil ents
Mysterious assignments of mysterious assasins to an secret area which has, wait for it, a big gorge. Naturally fog-filled with scary noises, mines, fences, and guard towers. Turned out pretty scary and fun, after a really boring and predictable setup. I even liked the ending.

Rating: 3 of 5 homicidal parents
Something causes parents to want to violently kill their children. Hilarity ensues. That’s about it. Pretty good creepy flick staring the master of horror, Mr. Nicolas Cage. Have to take off a star because the alternating quiet then insanely loud music is unnecessary, and another for the hyperactive camera work.

Rating: 2 of 5 stars
Another dystopian future flick. This one centers around a teenager with biohacking skills. Visually impressive, but very slow moving. Not terrible, just kinda boring. For an indie film, the visuals are all the more impressive, just a shame the story doesn’t keep up.

Rating: 4 of 5 body parts
A thriller that’s also chilling, and a bit gruesome. Good pacing, great emotional performance by Jeffrey Dean Morgan, and the other performances were also spot on. A few twists and turns, nothing too hard to follow. Recommended if you like crime thrillers.

Rating: 1 of 5 weird cults
This can be quick. If you’ve ever seen ANY movie about a group randomly visiting a seemingly happy group of other people as “outsiders”, especially if they’re celebrating some mysterious festival, who turn out to have a dark side, you’ve seen this movie. And probably done better. In fact, you’ll know the entire plot within 30 seconds of the outsiders meeting the seemingly lovely gathering. It’s classified as “horror”, but it’s not.

Rating: 2 of 5 straightjackets
Visualy unusual, starts off creepy and disturbing. Stays disturbing, but not all that creepy. The close-in photography wears a bit thin, and the music is definately a character in itself. The plot is pretty light. It’s more of a slice of life, following people through a couple weird days, but for people on the fringe. Not really horror or sci-fi, more offbeat drama-thriller.

Rating: 5 of 5 jump scares
Excellent horror/thriller. Starts in a rainstorm, with an overbooked short-term rental. Slowly unravels some details, but only enough to keep you wondering what’s going on. Then, it gets creepy. Um, really creepy. As more is revealed, you realize it’s not a cookie cutter thriller. And, it was suprising (and creepy) all the way to the end.

Rating: 4 of 5 wedding disasters
A fun distraction. Witherspoon and Ferrell have a lot of fun together, and the cast were all decent background. Plot has weddings in it, and hillarity ensues. That’s about it.

Rating: 4 of 5 coconuts
Mostly a vehicle for Julia Roberts and George Clooney to exchange banter and show us chemistry, and they are hillarious together. It’s also a sweet romance story, with a hint at drama, but not really. Great supporting cast, lovely locations. Really just a very solid rom-com.

Rating: 3 of 5 Totoros
A visually stunning story about a Japanese boy during WWII. The boy looses his mother, his father moves them out of Tokyo, and he has fantasy adventures. That’s about it, without giving any of the adventures away. As seems typical of these stories, it’s sad and scary, but beautiful. I got lost as to what was going on, but just went for the ride. And then it abruptly was over.

Rating: 4 of 5 Batons
An interesting look into the life and career of Leonard Bernstein. New very little of him, he was obviously brilliant and did not fit into the mold of expected social norms. Although his choral music isn’t my jam, I appreciated his passion and energy. Also, Bradley Cooper did a fantastic job portraying him, I’d often forget who he was. Worth a watch, if you enjoy learning about interesting and unusual people.

Rating: 5 of 5 Box Jellies
Going in, I only knew what I vaguely remembered of her when I was younger, and her being on the Wide Wide World of Sports. Glad I didn’t know anything about the movie going in, or I’d have expected it to be a boring biopic. Nope, it was fascinating, exciting, frustrating, sad and funny. Also, the casting was amazing, showing the actual people, and the actors who played them, they almost all looked remarkably alike.

Rating: 5 of 5 Sea Shanty's
Mostly a true story, a group of fisherman and rescue workers who sang Sea Shanty’s for fun, then got a record deal. Filmed where it happened in a small village in Ireland, with music from the actors and band members, with cameos of all the group. Mostly happy, a bunch of funny, and tiny bit of drama/sad, but overall a feel-good film, made better because it’s mostly true! Absolutely loved it.